[Guest blog by Shirin Ariff]
Just as the world’s timeline is clearly divided into life before and after the pandemic, my life can be clearly defined as life before and after cancer.
I don’t claim this is true for anyone else, but for me, cancer was a wake-up call. I was so sick and tired of myself. I was done not only with playing small and becoming invisible to make others happy, but also with not having a voice and being a people pleaser.
I showed up as everything I was not, just to be worthy of belonging. I kept sacrificing my life at the altar of love just because I could, just because it was so easy for me to put myself last on the list. What others thought or felt about me mattered far more than what I thought of myself. I did not know how to be any other way. I wanted to be the best wife, the best mother, the best daughter. I believed that by choosing everyone else over me, I could be so. There was almost a sense of arrogance in that.
Burnt out, bitter, and raging with self-anger, I believed there was no way out. I was enduring a miserable life in which self-loathing had become my daily prayer. I was dragging the corpse of my already dead marriage through the busy streets of life, pretending to be okay because I was a mother of four young children. I had to be fine.
Fed up and depleted, a divorce felt like the only way forward. A few weeks after I had filed for separation, I was diagnosed with metastatic thyroid cancer. That was it – the brakes were applied to the emotionally torturous and insanely dramatic life I was living. That version of me needed to die.
Life is a precious gift. While we tend to take so much for granted, we are given only one chance at it. If we had to count every second of our lives the way we cautiously count our money, we would live our lives – more aware, more grateful and more present.
On November 27th, 2013, alone on the operating table, just before the anesthesia took over, I could hear my heart pounding in my chest. What if I die? What would become of my four beautiful children, who were devastated by the news that I had cancer, yet too young to truly fathom what losing the only parent who chose to be with them, would look like?
My biggest life lesson did not come from my university degrees or the myriad books I had read. It came from the awareness I had at that moment. And in that moment, I chose life.
Cancer has been my greatest invitation to life and my most profound catalyst for transformation. It is as if I woke up from a black-and-white nightmare to a Technicolor life of beauty and wonder. Since then, my life has become unrecognizable, yet I am who I truly am – perfectly imperfect, unapologetic and worthy, because love is my birthright.
So, I ask you, dear reader, where in your life are you being inauthentic? Where in your life do you “go along to get along”? Where in your life are you choosing to ignore what your body is trying to tell you?
I ask you, where in your body are you hiding your pain, shame, guilt, anger and unresolved trauma? Where in your life are you trying to keep the peace with others at the cost of being at war with yourself?
What if an illness is a wake-up call? What if it is an opportunity for a reset?
I invite you to take a moment and pause. Imagine that today is the last day of your life. Grab a pen and paper and write down:
- 1 Regret
- 1 Secret
- 1 Desire
These are buried deep within you. These are thoughts that no one would ever know if you were to leave the world today.
Death is inevitable, with or without cancer. While we have no say in how we will die, we can certainly choose how we want to live. With advances in medical research, not all cancers are death sentences. I invite you to stop diagnosing your doom and begin designing your destiny.
Don’t let cancer happen to you. Let YOU happen to cancer.
Cancer came into your life uninvited. You become an invitation to life.
Shirin Ariff is a thyroid cancer survivor, international best-selling author, and award-winning motivational speaker who inspires resilience and emotional healing. Diagnosed in 2013, while raising four young children, she now helps others navigate cancer with courage and self-compassion. A proud advocate for South Asian women facing stigma around cancer, Shirin uses storytelling to break barriers and foster hope. Through her coaching and workshops, she empowers survivors to embrace self-care, rediscover strength, and live with authenticity and purpose. You can find Shirin at ShirinAriff.com.
Shirin is part of the Official NCSD Speakers Bureau Roster.
